Having trouble putting your finger on your significant other's personality type? At one moment he's the life of the party and in the blink of an eye, everyone's suddenly running for the bar to refill their drinks (either to get away from him or to dull their awareness of how utterly self-important he is).
Does your partner thrive on being the center of attention but barely gives you credit for a job well done? Calling him "selfish" is being kind. If this sounds like your partner, you may just be dating a narcissist.
As per Mayo Clinic, "Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism."
Sounds more alarming than charming. Get out while you can or at least better understand what kind of person you're dealing with.
1. They Dominate the Conversation
If there's a conversation taking place with a narcissist nearby, be sure he'll jump right in and offer his two cents'. If your partner often disrupts you or doesn't let you get a peep in edgewise, he may be more "ego" than enlightened.
According to Psychology Today, "The narcissist loves to talk about him or herself, and doesn't give you a chance to take part in a two-way conversation. You struggle to have your views and feelings heard. When you do get a word in, if it's not in agreement with the narcissist, your comments are likely to be corrected, dismissed, or ignored. The narcissist interrupts and quickly switches the focus back to herself. He shows little genuine interest in you."
If your S.O. is acting like an S.O.B in the conversation department, you may want to start chatting it up with someone who can listen as well as they can talk.
2. They Feel Entitled
Narcissists think they're the best, so why should standards for "common folk" apply to them? Whether moral, legal, or somewhere in between, if your partner shows off his superiority in nearly every scenario, breaks the rules, or ignores boundaries, your Prince Charming may really be the earl of egotism.
As per Bustle, "Narcissists believe that they are literally above the law in every way. Their innate sense of superiority means that they regard boundaries as a challenge."
Your Tango puts it this way, "Narcissists suffer from what I call 'Tall Man Syndrome.' They feel that they are special and above others, so rules don't apply to them." This can be anything from not leaving a tip for a waiter or cheating on their spouse.
While you may agree that some rules are nonsensical and perhaps annoying, hopefully breaking them doesn't cross your mind. Your narcissistic partner can wind up getting himself and you into trouble as well. Disobeying laws and breaching social norms are not signs of an upstanding citizen, let alone a mate to be proud to bring home to mama.
3. They Don't Care About Your Feelings
Whether it's showing no signs of compassion, ignoring your emotions, or forgetting/disregarding things that are important to you, a narcissist will stomp all over your feelings and think it sounds like a marching band.
As per Bustle, "Other people, in the narcissistic universe, exist purely to serve their own grandiose self-image; it's difficult for them to understand that feelings exist, or to care if any have been hurt."
Psychology Today adds these "charming" qualities, "(A narcissist) shows wanton disregard for other people's thoughts, feelings, possessions, and physical space. Oversteps and uses others without consideration or sensitivity. Borrows items or money without returning. Breaks promises and obligations repeatedly. Shows little remorse and blames the victim for one's own lack of respect."
You deserve a partner who cares about you… at the very least as much as he cares about himself. Mayo Clinic notes, "Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal and value yourself more than you value others." If this sounds like the "special" person in your life, maybe he's just a little too special. If he is willing to talk about it and try to make some changes for the better, consult a psychologist.