“It Was Just A Joke, Sweetie” – No, It Wasn’t
No matter what the well-meaning shipping clerk or leering boss might say, microsexist behavior can’t be brushed off as a joke. What woman hasn’t experienced this? Your idea was ignored in a meeting until a man grabs it and claims it’s his. The sudden freezeout you notice when you assert yourself. Or do you even notice it? Did it really happen, or are you just too sensitive?
…Or Was it Just a Joke?!?
That seed of self-doubt is often the first sign of a microaggression. Self-doubt blossoms slowly and, over time, shapes how women speak, lead, command a room. (Or don’t.) No single remark is devastating, but the cumulative effect can be.
Microaggressions 101
Microaggressions are subtle behaviors or remarks that demonstrate bias or lack of respect. When tied to gender they are often called microsexism. They include being interrupted more frequently, addressed with “cutesy” names in professional settings, or being treated as less capable without any evidence to back up these claims.
They also manifest as assumptions: That women will organize, soothe, remember birthdays, or manage the house, or emotional labor. That your frustration means you’re unstable. That your ambition needs reigning in.
It Works Because It Keeps Happening. It Works because It Keeps Happening. It Works…
Microaggressions work through repetition. Each one prompts a woman to ask: Do I respond – or do I let it go? Do I explain – or do I stay quiet? Do I correct – or do I protect myself? The constant questioning and assessment is exhausting.
Studies link repeated gender microaggressions to increased stress, disengagement, and burnout. Not because women are fragile, but because the environment demands extra vigilance.
Over time, many women adapt by saying less, holding back their ideas, over-preparing to avoid being questioned. Rational responses to biased conditions, even when those conditions are unspoken.
Bias lives in repetition. Pay attention to patterns rather than isolated incidents.
Fine For Him, But For Her?
When women share about their experiences with microaggressions, the same themes surface again and again. Many describe the whiplash of double standards. Assertiveness is praised in theory and punished in practice. Warmth is expected, then used to undermine authority. These mixed signals create constant tension.
Throw in the other standard equipment microaggressions, and you’ve got one nasty sexist mixture: Being spoken over. Having your competence questioned in male-dominated fields. Being called emotional for reactions that would be accepted in men.
What’s Key: the Impact – Not the Intent
Microaggressions are rarely malicious, which makes them easy to dismiss. Jerry in accounting probably doesn’t mean anything bad when he treats you like a little girl. But impact matters more than intent. When women raise concerns and are simply told to laugh it off or not take it seriously, two injuries occur, the first from the comment, the second from the dismissal. The nicest intentions in the world don’t shield you from the painful impact of microsexism.
Handling Microsexism Without Erasing Yourself
Some women address microaggressions in the moment. Others choose private conversations. There’s no textbook way of dealing with it.
It’s something women shouldn’t have to face alone – which raises the issue of shared responsibility. When colleagues or co-workers interrupt the interrupters or give credit where credit is due, women no longer have to carry the burden of microsexism alone.
Statements like “Let’s go back to her point” or “What makes you say that?” help indicate boundaries and neatly demonstrate respectful behavior.
No. Many are learned behaviours reinforced by culture and power structures.
Yes. Repeated microaggressions are linked to reduced confidence, visibility, and retention.
It can be, especially when leadership and peers provide support. Context matters.
No. They also appear in relationships, healthcare, education, and everyday interactions.
Final Thoughts…
Easy to minimize, hard to prove: that’s why microaggressions are so hard to eradicate. That doesn’t mean they’re harmless. Calling them what they are gives women language for experiences they already understand. Awareness does not solve everything, but it’s the first step toward creating environments where women no longer have to question their talents, competence, and right to be in the room.
