by Dezi Hall

You've heard it a million times. How do you know if someone is "The One?" Well, you just know. Great, thanks so much for that. "You just know," is quite possibly the most unhelpful, maddeningly frustrating answer to a pretty serious and important question. So let's cut the shit and get real. Here are some real ways to tell if someone is capital T capital O.

You Aren't Nervous

Sure, in the beginning of a relationship everyone can be a little nervous. Did I overdress for this roadhouse bar? Do I have an insane laugh? There's a weird smell in here- is he/she going to think it's me? But after the initial first date awkwardness, once you're in a full-blown relationship, you should no longer be nervous. You shouldn't be questioning yourself or thinking about every word you say. You should be free and easy like a breezy Maybelline model. Samantha from Sex And The City had it pretty much on lock when she said, "As far as I'm concerned, the test of a good relationship is are you like this *grimace* or like this *easy and free smile*?"

You Laugh- A Lot

Every serious relationship is going to have some, well, seriousness to it. But you if you're with The One, you should be spending most of your time laughing, not arguing or crying or being bored.

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Your Default Setting is Happiness

Almost as universal as the phrase, "you just know," is the phrase, "relationships take work." Um, ok. Do they have to though? Of course, you're going to have to make an effort but if you find yourself "working" on things more often than not, you probably have a stinker on your hands. If you're with The One, your relationship should be 95% joy and 5% work. Never the other way around.

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You Are Proud Of Them

People often talk a lot about how important it is to like someone, be attracted to them, etc. But it's equally important to be proud of someone. If you're with The One, you not only respect who they are, but dig it. You are stoked to walk into a room with them on your arm.

They Add Joy To Your Life

No one has to be in a relationship. This is why it's always so confusing when people stick with men/women that make them chronically unhappy or stressed out. The One will only add joy to your life. They will make hard decisions easier, tough days lighter, and great moments unforgettable.

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You Don't Think About Others

Everyone has the occasional fantasy, but if you find yourself thinking more significantly about other people or other relationships, you're probably not with The One. The One is called that because there isn't another.

You Feel Connected

When you're with The One, you're always on the same wavelength. You can look at each other and communicate without saying anything. You don't have to be clones of each other (that's super boring), but you do have to have a certain symbiotic vibe going. Basically this boils down to always wanting to leave social functions at the same time.

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There are plenty of other little ways you can tell if someone is The One, but if you're checking off these major boxes you might just have found your lobster.