Makeup Looks to Scare Men (And Ultimately Destroy the Patriarchy)

(But really, just wear whatever you want to wear).

The first rule of makeup is that there are no rules.

Makeup is a tool of self-expression, something you can use to highlight certain parts of you or simply to add more color and vibrance to your face. It can also be a powerful tool if you're looking to terrify men.

So many fashion articles talk about how men prefer a "dewy, no-makeup look," which most likely just means that they don't like women who intimidate them. As women, we are often told to quiet down, be softer, be less, and to not respond when we face aggression.

Though ideally we would simply be able to spontaneously metamorphose into the more confident, bloodcurdlingly scary person we wish to be, sometimes we need a little extra help. So, if you're looking to be that intimidating woman (or whatever gender you identify with—men look great in makeup too!), you might consider trying these makeup tricks.

1. A face full of makeup

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Forget a "natural glow": You should feel free to put on as much makeup as you possibly can. Let that highlighter shine so bright it blinds the next man who tries to catcall you.

2. Dark red lipstick

Nothing says bad*ss more than deep, dark red lipstick. Blood-red lipstick has long been a signifier of power and pride among women, and nobody rocks it better than Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who honestly we should all look up to because of how badly she scares our current president every single day.

3. Sticky lipgloss

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The stickier the better.

4. Glitter

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Nothing is scarier than glitter, which sticks to all surfaces, always persists, shines bright, and never disappears no matter how hard you try to get rid of it. Be like glitter.

5. Huge eyelashes

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6. Thick foundation

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To win anything, you must have a solid foundation to build upon.

7. Vampire fangs

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If you're looking to drink the blood of your opponents, this is the beauty look for you.

8. Unshaved mustaches

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Women have facial hair sometimes, OK? Facial hair is not reserved for a single gender. Women have hair in a lot of places and should only have to shave it if they want to.

9. Eyes full of fire and rage

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Greta Thunberg, scaring grown men every day of the weekcnn.com


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Avoiding eye contact is always good, but if you must look at someone you dislike, a steely glare will work just fine. Expressions of rage tend to scare grown men if you're 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg, or they scare entire capitalist establishments if you're Elizabeth Warren.

10. Whatever the hell you want to wear

Nothing spooks a man—or anyone you want to intimidate, really—more than brash self-confidence. By wearing what you want to wear, being your true self, and feeling comfortable in your own skin, style, and opinions, you'll project an energy that will send all of your enemies back to the pits from which they came.