Sex and dating are already complex topics, but when it comes to serious relationships, the conversation is seriously lacking. Amidst hook-up culture and millennials committing at a later age, its becoming rarer for young people to settle down. But becoming committed at a younger age means you and your partner likely have less sexual experience, and you both have time to develop security, understanding, and trust as you age and gain maturity together. That means taking the time to experiment sexually and find out what works for both of you, and it also means making a concerted effort to ensure that your sexual relationship grows alongside your emotional relationship.
Communicating Your Needs
No one should ever feel uncomfortable communicating their needs to their partner, but addressing real issues can be intimidating. Sexual needs can be particularly tricky, because you don't want to make your partner feel insecure or inadequate. By establishing open communication from the beginning of a relationship, you can ensure that sexual issues are on the table for discussion in a healthy and productive way.
But if that level of communication is not customary for your relationship, preface your concerns by assuring your partner that you aren't being critical; you're just sharing ideas to make your sex life even better. Be open-minded and understanding that your partner may not be as open to the conversation as you'd like, and they may even have questions. Give them space to bring up their needs and desires to ensure it's an equal conversation.
Being OK with Saying NO
When you're young, it can feel like you should be having sex all the time. This unrealistic expectation can put stress on your relationship. Remember: There is no "right amount" of sex to define a healthy relationship, and consent always matters, no matter how long you've been with your partner. Before this becomes an issue, it's important to reinforce with your partner that saying no to each other's sexual advances is okay, and even healthy.
Prioritizing Date Nights
If you feel like your sex life is lacking, begin by prioritizing intimacy with your partner. Every relationship needs to be nurtured to grow with enough one-on-one time between partners. Going on date nights can prevent complacency and that feeling of being stuck in a rut, reminding you both why you fell in love in the first place.
Take Things Slow
If you are looking to spice up your sex life, embrace experimentation but feel free to take it slowly. Trying out new positions, toys, types of sex, etc. can be thrilling, but it also can overstimulate, overwhelm, and cause discomfort to one of you. Make sure to openly communicate your feelings; when you both trust each other, you can freely check in that you're both comfortable. In the same vein, don't be afraid to suggest new ideas or share your fantasies. Chances are: If you find it hot, your partner will, too.